South Asian gays silent no longer

Elaine O'Connor, The Province
British Columbia, Canada

"There is no such thing as a gay East Indian male. There is no word for it," the Rick Hansen Secondary grad recalls. "I live in Abbotsford, so there isn't much for gay support as it is. And for South Asians, being gay is not discussed. I always considered it to be a phase. I thought I would get married and then just get one of these urges on the side."

"Eventually, I just faced it. If I ever did get married to a girl, it would ruin her life. That's what it came down to: being truthful to myself and accepting who I am."

"For the Sikh people, it's their culture that says homosexuality is bad and wrong. It's a real barrier for people. I know when I was coming out, I was very suicidal and I was very depressed and very closeted."

Homophobia remains a reality in Western culture and South Asian and Muslim society. Case in point? A UN resolution against sexual discrimination was rejected by five Muslim countries. B.C. Sikh leader Balwant Singh Gill openly condemned homosexuality in the media last year (later apologizing).

Sangha decided to help others. The result was Sher Vancouver, a queer Sikh support group he founded in April. It already has 50 mostly Sikh members (including five women) from around B.C.

Sher Vancouver is the newest of several such support groups, among them Trikone, a group for LGBT South Asians of all religions; Saalam Vancouver, for gay Muslims of all sects and ethnicities; and Namaste, for queer B.C. Hindus.

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Minority rights must be protected

In the Toronto Star a recent letter to the editor caught my attention and I have provided it below as "food for thought".

I agree with Mike Milner that freedom of speech is a "cornerstone of democracy." However, it is not the only cornerstone of democracy. Protection of minority rights is a fundamental feature of any liberal democracy. Thus, the right of minority groups to be free from discrimination should not depend solely on a group's ability to influence the marketplace of ideas by writing letters to the editor or boycotting media organizations, especially since the marketplace of ideas is not equally accessible to all.

"Journalism" that promotes and normalizes racism against minority groups poses a far greater threat to liberal democracy than do Canada's hate laws and human rights commissions. And so while I applaud Milner's undoubtedly "good intentions" in defending freedom of speech, I fear that protection of speech that breeds hate and indifference to hate constitutes the real paving of "the road to hell."

Azeezah Kanji, Markham

The age of innocence in Asia

by William Sparrow
Asia Times Online

BANGKOK - Societies all over the world struggle - both legally and morally - to define the age that young people can legally consent to sex. It is an issue complicated by religion, politics and culture. In Asia, the laws defining ages of consent for both genders are varied and complex.

The average age for sexual consent across Asia is roughly 14.5 years (actually 14.7 for heterosexual relations and between 13.8 to 14.5 for homosexual sex of both genders). The West isn't so far off; for example, in the US the average legal age for sexual consent is 16, as determined by state.

In most Muslim countries, male homosexual relations are illegal, and in Afghanistan, Iran, Pakistan and Saudi Arabia, the punishment can be death. In these countries the age of consent for heterosexual sex is not defined, but the partners must be married. Sadly, media reports indicate that girls are married off as young as six years old.

Myanmar, Malaysia, Singapore, Sri Lanka, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan all have an interesting legal approach. These countries have made male homosexual sex illegal, but have defined the age of lesbian sex permissible at age 16.

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Immigration and gays

Another true gay immigration story (the names have been changed).

Ed was a good guy. He was working hard, owned his own home and business.

One day he met Babah online. Babah visited Ed on vacation for two weeks. Ed picked him up at LAX.

The two of them “hit it off” well.

But there were a couple problems.

Ed is a US citizen and Babah is a citizen of Malaysia, and Muslim.

Perhaps some of you who have not had dealings with immigration don’t see the problem.

Ed can’t marry Babah (in the USA or in Malaysia).

Babah can’t move to the USA because they won’t grant him permission to stay.

Ed can’t move to Malaysia because they won’t grant him permission to stay. But Ed can visit Malaysia without prior permission (visa not required).

Many will say it was time to move on. And if bureaucracy told you that you couldn’t love whom you love? Stop and think about it a minute.

If anyone told you that you could not marry or be with the person you love, what would you do? Would you just turn your back, walk away and find someone else? I doubt it!

Ed could go visit Malaysia without the need for a visa. Babah could not come to the USA without a visa. In other words, he had to get permission to visit the USA.

In desperation, Ed sold his business, rented his home and went to Malaysia. Babah had rented an apartment for them.

They were finally together. Of course Ed could only stay in Malaysia for 90 days at a time. He’d have to leave every 90 days and stay out of country over night. He could then return to Malaysia for another 90 days. Of course, there was always a risk the Malaysian officials might refuse Ed entry at the border, especially after time.

Unfortunately, for many reasons, when the second 90 day deadline was approaching Ed would be returning to the USA. Never to see Babah again.

In defense of Babah we must remember he is Muslim and in the closet. As if his religion wasn’t enough to keep him in the closet, he also lives in a restrictive Malaysian society.

Ed returned home and lived with family until he could move back into his home. He was heart broken and beaten by “the system”.

Ed would never again be the man he once was. Being a marginalized US citizen Ed could not live his dream. His dream didn’t fit mainstream thinking.

Ed paid taxes just like everyone else but his country didn’t care about his rights or feelings.

Living in a world which constantly degrades homosexuals is one thing, not being able to love whom you love is quite another.

If you have ever truly loved someone, I’m sure you can’t imagine being told:

“you can’t love that person, love someone else”