As a gay man born in the 50’s I’ve witnessed many families forsaking their gay children.
Being from South Texas with a large Hispanic community I witnessed the Hispanic “machismo” first hand.
Young gay men, who were sexually abused by machismo family members, were disowned when the “came out”. After all, it can’t be acceptable because then all the dirty truths would come out. So they discredit and dismiss the gay child in order to hide the truth.
I remember one such case. The boy was 16 when his parents threw him out. He resorted to prostitution in order to feed himself. Of course, he ended up HIV+ and died.
But I would always say, “wow, I’m so lucky to have a understanding family”. But after time I realized, my family wasn’t so perfect. I would learn they weren’t as accepting as I thought.
One day I was on a vacation and planned to visit my Uncle. When I told my mother she became unglued and asked me not to. She continued by saying “I don’t want them to know I have a gay son. They wouldn’t accept it”. In honor of my mother’s wishes I didn’t go see my Uncle. It felt like someone pulled the rug out from under me.
The day would come when my older brother told me I should move to Washington state. My brother and his wife invited me to stay with them. So I’ve been up here a few years and feel much more comfortable. My opinion of my mother was substantially reduced.
But yesterday my brother and I went to lunch at a local café. He knew the people that worked there. The cook came out to talk with him and overheard me ordering breakfast. He made a comment “Real men don’t eat breakfast after noon”. I replied with “guess I’m not a real man”. He replied with “well I got some quiche in the back and I can put on some appropriate music”.
I kept my mouth shut to avoid confrontation. But I felt my heart rate rise, my blood pressure go up and my face turn red. I was angry. So I told the waitress to cancel my food order (she had not yet given the order to the cook). She refused so I ended up walking out. My brother followed me and I was about to discover my brother wasn’t much better then mother. We “discussed” it for the rest of the day. He ended up telling me he didn’t want to hear anymore about anything gay.
I ended up asking my brother if he thought I was born gay. He laughed and refused to answer.
Needless to say, I’ll soon be moving.
I wish my family wasn’t so deceptive. I’d rather have honesty than dishonesty.
Don't people realize lying to someone is one of the most disrespectful things you can do? Especially in issues like this.
A family relationship based on lies is not a family at all.
I've seen families disown gay children. I deffinately don't have a problem disowning my family!
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