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Below is a book review from PFLAG and TNET's Dave Parker of Kathryn Shay's The Perfect Family.
An excellent coming-out-gay family story!
Psychologist and Professor Maggie Davidson is struggling with her disenchantment with the Catholic Church over several policies, resulting in a building conflict with her very devout husband, Mike. As she is doing laundry one afternoon, her 17 year old son Jamie drops a bomb on her attempts to maintain the image of a Perfect Family â€" he is gay. What follows is an insightful novel about the effects on Jamie’s family, friends, and schoolmates.
Jamie’s brother Brian, a high school jock, is angry about the effect this will have with his friends. His dad, Mike, is revolted â€" the Church calls homosexuality an abomination and his son an unrepentant sinner. Maggie is more accepting. She loves her son, unconditionally, and her studies of psychology have led her to accept â€" academically â€" sexual orientation as natural in all its forms..But this is HER son!
As a researcher myself, I am very impressed with Shay’s ability to convey the attitudes and emotions surrounding the family’s coming out process so well. One might even believe there is some biographical content in this novel. Family members’ ability to hurt each other, and their friends’ rejection not only of Jamie but the rest of his family as well, strike true to life.
The Perfect Family is an easy, conversational read with a strong message. How should families react to such news? How can they protect a beloved child? And, in this case, can Maggie’s marriage survive?
I recommend this book highly. It is a must read for anyone dealing with coming out to their family, friends, and coworkers.
You can read an excerpt here.
To purchase this book, click here.
An excellent coming-out-gay family story!
Psychologist and Professor Maggie Davidson is struggling with her disenchantment with the Catholic Church over several policies, resulting in a building conflict with her very devout husband, Mike. As she is doing laundry one afternoon, her 17 year old son Jamie drops a bomb on her attempts to maintain the image of a Perfect Family â€" he is gay. What follows is an insightful novel about the effects on Jamie’s family, friends, and schoolmates.
Jamie’s brother Brian, a high school jock, is angry about the effect this will have with his friends. His dad, Mike, is revolted â€" the Church calls homosexuality an abomination and his son an unrepentant sinner. Maggie is more accepting. She loves her son, unconditionally, and her studies of psychology have led her to accept â€" academically â€" sexual orientation as natural in all its forms..But this is HER son!
As a researcher myself, I am very impressed with Shay’s ability to convey the attitudes and emotions surrounding the family’s coming out process so well. One might even believe there is some biographical content in this novel. Family members’ ability to hurt each other, and their friends’ rejection not only of Jamie but the rest of his family as well, strike true to life.
The Perfect Family is an easy, conversational read with a strong message. How should families react to such news? How can they protect a beloved child? And, in this case, can Maggie’s marriage survive?
I recommend this book highly. It is a must read for anyone dealing with coming out to their family, friends, and coworkers.
You can read an excerpt here.
To purchase this book, click here.
WEST POINT, N.Y. â€" Code words, secret societies, covert meetings, fake identities: these are tools that a certain set of cadets learn here at the United States Military Academy at West Point.
These cadets are not spies or moles. They are gay, and they exist largely in the shadows of this granite institution known for producing presidents and generals, where staying closeted is essential to avoid discharge under the mie military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell†policy.
“The most important thing I’ve learned here is how to be a good actor,†said one gay male cadet, who grew up in Philadelphia and is in his fourth year at the academy.
The resignation this month of Katherine Miller, a top cadet who blogged anonymously about her lesbianism, has turned a spotlight on the hidden gay culture here and revived debate on campus about “don’t ask, don’t tell,†at a time when Washington is also focused on the issue.
Ms. Miller, who wrote under the name “Private Second Class Citizen†about enduring gay slurs and faking a heterosexual dating history, is transferring to Yale University this fall and has become something of a media celebrity, appearing on “The Rachel Maddow Show†on MSNBC and on ABC News.
Interviews with three gay cadets, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because revealing their identities could result in expulsion, as well as conversations with Ms. Miller and several gay alumni, painted a portrait of a vibrant, if tiny, gay underground at West Point. The hiding begins on Day 1: new cadets must sign a document acknowledging that revealing one’s homosexuality can lead to discharge, as can demonstrating “a propensity to engage in homosexual acts.â€
In 1996, three female cadets resigned after West Point officials found a diary belonging to one of them that revealed their sexual orientation. In 2002, the academy discharged a cadet after his profile was discovered on a gay Web site. Ms. Miller, whose blog began in April but apparently eluded academy officials, said she quit voluntarily by submitting a letter revealing her lesbianism.
Asked about gay culture at West Point, Lt. Col. Brian Tribus, the academy’s director of public affairs, issued a statement saying that the school “will continue to apply the law as it is obligated to do,†but also noting that cadets must take military ethics classes that include “topics about unconditional positive respect for others.â€
For gay cadets, repressing their sexuality is just one part of adapting to West Point, where life is regimented and lived mostly in uniform. Romance of any kind can be difficult: the 4,400 cadets, who live in one complex of large barracks and eat together at huge weekday breakfasts and lunches in Washington Hall, are allowed to date but not to kiss or hold hands while in uniform. “It’s like living in a snow globe,†said one lesbian cadet, who is in her third year.
But she and others said the lack of social freedom only primed the active social grapevine at the academy. They said that they knew at least 20 lesbian cadets (West Point is about 15 percent female), and that when a friend recently drew a diagram showing who had had relationships with whom, it revealed a tight web.
Trying to divine other lesbians takes “really finely tuned gaydar,†said another lesbian cadet, who is a senior, or “firstie.†There are code words and test phrases: “Are you family?†refers to inclusion in the lesbian sisterhood. Or cadets might throw out references to the television show “The L Word†to gauge the response.
An encounter during military maneuvers might result in flirtatious Facebook messaging back in the barracks. Those who earn weekend passes might make late-night runs to gay bars in Manhattan, about 50 miles away, or to gay parties on nearby college campuses, often with students they met through intercollegiate sports.
The two lesbian cadets described all this at 9 o’clock one night last week at Jefferson Library, amid dozens of classmates dressed in immaculately pressed gray uniforms, sitting up straight and studying textbooks. Both said they had been openly gay in high school but found gay socializing nearly impossible during the strict first year at West Point, then begthen began to confide in a tight group of loyal friends as liberties increased.
“Anyone you meet here,†the senior female cadet said, “you have to assess their personality very closely, and see if you can trust them.â€
To continue reading this story in The New York Times, click here.
These cadets are not spies or moles. They are gay, and they exist largely in the shadows of this granite institution known for producing presidents and generals, where staying closeted is essential to avoid discharge under the mie military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell†policy.
“The most important thing I’ve learned here is how to be a good actor,†said one gay male cadet, who grew up in Philadelphia and is in his fourth year at the academy.
The resignation this month of Katherine Miller, a top cadet who blogged anonymously about her lesbianism, has turned a spotlight on the hidden gay culture here and revived debate on campus about “don’t ask, don’t tell,†at a time when Washington is also focused on the issue.
Ms. Miller, who wrote under the name “Private Second Class Citizen†about enduring gay slurs and faking a heterosexual dating history, is transferring to Yale University this fall and has become something of a media celebrity, appearing on “The Rachel Maddow Show†on MSNBC and on ABC News.
Interviews with three gay cadets, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because revealing their identities could result in expulsion, as well as conversations with Ms. Miller and several gay alumni, painted a portrait of a vibrant, if tiny, gay underground at West Point. The hiding begins on Day 1: new cadets must sign a document acknowledging that revealing one’s homosexuality can lead to discharge, as can demonstrating “a propensity to engage in homosexual acts.â€
In 1996, three female cadets resigned after West Point officials found a diary belonging to one of them that revealed their sexual orientation. In 2002, the academy discharged a cadet after his profile was discovered on a gay Web site. Ms. Miller, whose blog began in April but apparently eluded academy officials, said she quit voluntarily by submitting a letter revealing her lesbianism.
Asked about gay culture at West Point, Lt. Col. Brian Tribus, the academy’s director of public affairs, issued a statement saying that the school “will continue to apply the law as it is obligated to do,†but also noting that cadets must take military ethics classes that include “topics about unconditional positive respect for others.â€
For gay cadets, repressing their sexuality is just one part of adapting to West Point, where life is regimented and lived mostly in uniform. Romance of any kind can be difficult: the 4,400 cadets, who live in one complex of large barracks and eat together at huge weekday breakfasts and lunches in Washington Hall, are allowed to date but not to kiss or hold hands while in uniform. “It’s like living in a snow globe,†said one lesbian cadet, who is in her third year.
But she and others said the lack of social freedom only primed the active social grapevine at the academy. They said that they knew at least 20 lesbian cadets (West Point is about 15 percent female), and that when a friend recently drew a diagram showing who had had relationships with whom, it revealed a tight web.
Trying to divine other lesbians takes “really finely tuned gaydar,†said another lesbian cadet, who is a senior, or “firstie.†There are code words and test phrases: “Are you family?†refers to inclusion in the lesbian sisterhood. Or cadets might throw out references to the television show “The L Word†to gauge the response.
An encounter during military maneuvers might result in flirtatious Facebook messaging back in the barracks. Those who earn weekend passes might make late-night runs to gay bars in Manhattan, about 50 miles away, or to gay parties on nearby college campuses, often with students they met through intercollegiate sports.
The two lesbian cadets described all this at 9 o’clock one night last week at Jefferson Library, amid dozens of classmates dressed in immaculately pressed gray uniforms, sitting up straight and studying textbooks. Both said they had been openly gay in high school but found gay socializing nearly impossible during the strict first year at West Point, then begthen began to confide in a tight group of loyal friends as liberties increased.
“Anyone you meet here,†the senior female cadet said, “you have to assess their personality very closely, and see if you can trust them.â€
To continue reading this story in The New York Times, click here.
The Huffeys receive their award. From left, Bill Musser of Decorah, representing PFLAG Northeast Iowa; George and Jean Huffey; Brooke Smith, senior policy and field coordinator of the PFLAG national office; and Dean Genth, president of the Iowa Council of PFLAG Chapters. Jean and George Huffey of rural Waterville were recognized recently for their service to Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays PFLAG, a national organization with chapters throughout the United States.
The Huffeys were awarded a plaque which read: "With respect and gratitude, the PFLAG National Office, the Iowa PFLAG Council of Chapters, and the members of PFLAG Northeast Iowa recognize Jean and George Huffey for their years of dedicated service to PFLAG and their longstanding commitment to support, education, and advocacy on behalf of the LGBT community."
The award was given at a recent multi-state conference, "Achieving Marriage Equality in the Heartland," at Luther College in Decorah. The Huffeys were founders of the PFLAG Northeast Iowa chapter in 1996.
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