This is a guest post by Kate Bornstein. Kate is an author, playwright and performance artist whose work to date has been in service to sex positivity, gender anarchy, and the building a coalition of those who live on cultural margins. Her work recently earned her an award from the Stonewall Democrats of New York City, and two citations from New York City Council members. Her latest book, "Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives To Suicide For Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws" (Seven Stories Press) is, in Kate's words, a "runaway underground best-seller." Other published works include the books Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us; and My Gender Workbook. Her books are taught in over 150 colleges around the world.
Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us is the first book I read after beginning my transition back in 2003. I would say her thoughts on sex and gender, expressed in that book, are probably what's most influenced my thoughts on the subject. Kate's book is what got me to question my preconceived notions on sex and gender -- the limitations of a sex and gender binary that even many transsexual people subscribe too -- in the first place.
Kate's Blog is Kate Bornstein's Blog for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws.
Kate Bornstein is yet another member of the trans community who I've asked to share their thoughts on federal hate crime legislation -- the hate crime legislation that was signed by President Obama on October 28, 2009.
~~Autumn~~
So now we've got a federal law that deems it a hate crime if you go after someone because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. That's a big deal. That includes a great many people. Last time I looked, the peopl e who define themselves based on their sexual orientation or included all these folks who -- if you fuck with them -- you're facing hate crime charges.
| L for Lesbian | G for Genderqueer | |
| G for Gay | D for Drag Kings | T for Two Spirit |
| B for Bisexual | D for DragFuck Royalty | K for Kinky |
| T for Transgender | I for Intersex | P for Pornographers |
| Q for Queer | F for Feminists | P for Pansexual |
| Q for Questioning | F for Furries | P for Polyamory |
| A for Asexual | F for Femme | Q for Queer Heterosexual |
| A for Adult Entertainers | B for Butch | ETC for et cetera |
| S for Sadomasochists | M for MSM | AI for ad infinitum |
| S for Sex Workers | W for WSW | AI for queer Artificial Intelligence |
| S for Swingers |
Now, if the Hate Crimes Act includes all those people, then hip-hip-hooray for our side. As a friend recently quipped on Twitter, "One giant step for transkind."
Yes, yes. Just the way it is -- even if most people disagree with my list here -- the bill is a big step forward in LGBTQ etc freedom. One step at a time, right? I know what that's about, one step at a time. I'm a good 12-stepper -- sometimes, and with some things. So Yay! for this giant step.
AND I'm impatient. I'm impatient not for more laws that would protect more people. I'm impatient for change in our culture that would bring us closer to not needing the frakking laws in the first place. I'm impatient for change in our culture that would include a sex-and-gender political coalition that would include everyone I've listed above. And that would be only the first step in my plans for world domination:
1. We all of us -- sex positivists and gender anarchists -- would have to agree on an organizational structure that doesn't other anyone. There are some good examples in religions like the Quakers and the Unitarians -- and other religions that don't base themselves in patriarchal rule -- which is often a key factor to homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, and sex negativity. (Sex and gender activists would do well to acknowledge our allies in religious circles of spiritual power. We're gonna need a whole hell of a lot of religion if we're gonna stay together as a band of committed sex and gender outlaws.)2. We'd have to agree on a political philosophy for ourselves that wouldn't other anyone. Frak this left-wing, right-wing BS. That's just another binary and if you're reading this column, you know how to deconstruct a frakking binary: you expose it as the lie that masks the truth of a hierarchal system of oppression. So we'd need a political philosophy that transcends the binary of left and right wing politics. There are models for that sort of thing going way back in time to Goddess culture and matriarchal rule. Well, wouldn't that be hotter and more fun than what we've got? It's only going to work once the left-wing/right-wing false binary has been resolved. There's truth in both sides. We just need to abide by the politics extant where those truths overlap. And please, we'd have to agree not to be mean to each other.
3. We'd need a name that everyone would have fun using for themselves, a name that included everyone who thinks highly of their own commitment to sexual positivity and the embracing of gender anarchy.
4. The day-to-day activism/politics of this coalition would be all about agreed-upon compassionate triage and timely action.
5. Finally, we'd need to establish strong alliances with activists fighting for equity along the political vectors of age, race, class, religion, looks, ability, citizenship, language, and family status... and any other hierarchal system of oppression I've failed to spot and mention.
6. Once we've established those alliances, we and our allies need to get together in a big room on a representative basis -- all of us people who are fighting for equity of identity, desire, and power in gender, sexuality, age, race, class, religion, looks, ability, citizenship, language and family status. As a new and larger and more diverse groups, we'd have to do steps one through four above. Then we should be ready to take over the frakking world.
But that's not going to happen for a long time, if ever at all. So the best each of us can do right now is give heartfelt thanks to the people who pushed through and approved the Hate Crime Bill. Here's hoping we can make the most of it and build ourselves a world in which we no longer need laws.
~~~~~
Related:
* Pam's House Blend tag: Transgender Hate Crimes Essay Project
"We know that hard-line conservatives are riled up. But so are hard-left Democrats and their gay allies."
Who knew my statement was equivalent to the nut-teabaggers and a radical call to arms:
"Let's just say that a little leaked email proves LGBTs are seen as the easy gAyTM to the DNC that can be manipulated, ignored, and pickpocketed as mob rule strips us of civil rights without a finger being lifted to help at the eleventh hour," adds the influential gay blogger Pam Spaulding of Pam's House Blend. "It's worse - stripping resources at the time of need."WTF? It's time to lay down the crack pipe, Tobin. Let's see, how do you equate a call for spendf pending one's donation dollars wisely and directly to a candidate that supports your issues to, say, riling up teabaggers to show up in DC waving racist/Nazi signs with the President's image, calling for a revolution, stoking the fears and anxieties of the working class who are losing their jobs and homes because of the massive f*ckups of the last eight years by the man who took off in the helicopter this January as the crowds cheered "Na na na na...hey hey hey...goodbye." Please.She offers a call to arms along the lines of MoveOn's:
I don't know about you, but at the very least, it's a peek at the kind the two-timing that goes on in national politics with constituencies they find "troublesome" or a perceived "liability" (save the $$$, of course). The difference is that the peek inside makes you realize how easily you've been had ...Pam, you may not like to hear it, but that last line could just as easily have come from Glenn Beck. Just goes to show: it may be entertaining to watch your enemies rip themselves apart, but you might just want to keep an eye on the guy to your left.Shut the gAyTM down; only give directly to candidates and organizations you believe are truly working in your best interest. Not a penny to the DNC; it's the only leverage you have as an average citizen. The big donors in our community have to take a stand on this kind of nonsense, otherwise, they are enabling this kind of treatment of our community. It's party-building at our expense each and every time ...
At least the folks in the comments there had a good time shredding the comparison.
I say to Pam Spaulding: You go girl!Back to your original, laff-a-minute political progamming.Excuse the dated language, but I'm a 62-yr old straight white woman. Sorry. ;)
Anyway, why the caution at the end of this entry? Pam is right.
I worked my butt off trying to get single payer insurance at least on the horizon, something I think should be a human right - healthcare for all of us (instead of bank CEOs with $1,000 cigars).
Then Pelosi, et al. put the kibosh on a straight floor vote that was promised publicly to Rep. Weiner, who supports single payer.
Don't support people who don't support you. That is the only way a representative democracy can work. Simple as that. What are we? Fools???
***
Pam Spaulding = Glenn Beck?? Um, no sir.
Do Beck & Limbaugh and Spaulding advocate for a certain set of political ideas? Well obviously. What are they supposed to do: advocate a certain set of policies and then back the pol who'll do just the opposite?
I'm a proud liberal, and I'm gay, and I've no problem with the conservatives asking their pols to vote a in certain way. There's nothing unreasonable or RADICAL for citizens to (gasp!) demand a certain voting record from their pols & parties after spending money, time and effort getting these people elected. And yes, as it should be, people are concerned with policy issues, not coddling parties and pols or spineless centrists.
So here are the real issues from a liberal perspective: the problem with Beck and Limbaugh is that they say things that many find bigoted and untrue; and conservative dems can't explain why progressives should be motivated to support them given they will not support many of the things we care most about.
- MabPharos
You might have noticed that I've not been posting for a few days. I haven't disappeared, but I'm on the road for a couple of important reasons.
Courage
I'm in New York to attend the The NYC Anti-Violence Project's Courage Awards on Monday at the W New York Ballroom at 541 Lexington Avenue at 7PM. Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Tony Kushner, author of Angels in America, will receive an award for his truthful and cutting edge political writing and analysis.
Bil Browning (The Bilerico Project), Joe Jervis (Joe.My.God.), Andy Towle Towle (Towleroad), and I are receiving an award in recognition of the impact of LGBT weblogs have made in the fight for civil rights and against violence in our communities. Presenting the award will be activist, journalist, author, satellite radio show host and friend of the Blend Michelangelo Signorile. I've been nominated to deliver the acceptance speech by my co-recipients (oy!).
It's a sobering honor because the violence and hate crimes that occur against LGBTs will not end with the enactment of a federal hate crimes law or state anti-bullying policies. There will always be people without tolerance for those who are different, and shining a light on it is one of the ways to ensure violent behavior towards anyone on the basis of who they are is unacceptable in a civilized society.
Family
Changing emotional gears completely, the other reason I am here in NY is because of my Aunt Judi. In late September I received word that she had suffered a massive heart attack, and it wasn't clear she would make it. After a short period of healing, she then underwent bypass surgery. At some point thereafter she flat-lined -- leaving this earth, but despite her weakened state she was resuscitated. She fell into an unconscious state for a period of time, waking up to find that she had lost the ability to speak.
More below the fold.
And this past Friday she had a defibrillator put in --that was the day Kate and I arrived.
My mind of late has been flooded with many memories of the role she has played in the life of my late mom, brother Tim and I (never mind every niece and nephew on my Mom's side who was "raised" by Judi over the years, baby sitting, gleefully teaching them to read, sing -- and play double dutch). My brother and I both enjoyed summers in NY with our cousins staying with Judi and my Aunt Sandra in their Queens home.
I'll make this lengthy family history mercifully short for you, though it could fill a book. In 1976, my parents were separated, with us left in the family home and my father moving out. Nothing particularly noteworthy on the surface because 50% of marriages fail. As the result of several enormous bad business decisions by someone who will remain nameless, our house was foreclosed on and my mother, brother and I were effectively rendered homeless. Mom's sisters came and helped packed the house up to go into storage. And we left in our '73 Ford Pinto wagon, my mom with about $100 in her pocket and each of us with a few sets of clothes and our dog Miffy and headed to NY.
Aunt Judi and Sandra opened their modest home to us, with the three of us living in one small bedroom -- yes two twin beds and a rollaway bed scrunched in there, where we lived for a few years while our mom got a job, got us in school and settled into a very different life. We had a celebration when Mom had saved up enough to get us a TV (one that survived many years until my move to my current home when it was put out of its misery). Even though we had little, and I wore some of Judi's hand me downs to school, Tim and I were never ungrateful as we had a loving home with Judi and Sandra as surrogate moms who didn't mind spending time with us playing games or jumping rope or living through the chaos of the 1977 blackout, which was godawful frightening if you lived in Hollis at that time -- tires squealing, police sirens, screaming -- somehow we still felt safe.
Eventually mom got on her feet, lived through the horrors of divorce court (when women got a raw deal, particularly in the South), and we were able to move into Brooklyn to a small apartment on the top floor of a brownstone where my mom and I shared a bedroom and we turned the dining room into my brother's bedroom. After being in one room for a few years, this seemed a miraculous spacious arrangement. We had to lea to leave our dog Miffy behind in Queens because 1) the stairs were too much for her aging body, and 2) my grandfather, who also lived with Judi and Sandra, was attached to her. We couldn't bear for him to be separated from her.
Anyway, those years seemed so long ago and far away, as I gazed upon my frail, ailing aunt in the ICU bed, fighting not only for life but to make herself whole again. Even though she couldn't speak, she could write on a notebook to ask for things, in the days prior to our arrival she had repeatedly written "Pam and Kate" in it to let people know she wanted to see us and needed to know how soon we would be there. One of the reasons she's beloved by many of her nieces and nephews is that we're all the children she never had. And in fact, my cousin Julie -- we're the closest in age -- is one of those taking care of Judi now. It's time for us to be the comfort she has been for us over the years. So many of us have traveled from around the country to see Judi in these last couple of weeks.
While diminished in physical capacity, it was clear during our visits that she is fully present and of sound mind and good humor. Her gestures and many of her expressions remind me of my own mother, who passed away in 1997. It has been both emotionally draining and uplifting -- it's hard to describe that balance of feelings -- to see her make small but significant gains in the few days we have been here.
Let's just say I know she's improving if she could both write and say "Bullshit!" on the pad when she was frustrated by some of the nutty family conversations around the ICU bed.
When Kate and I came out to the family (we did it by announcing we had just married in Vancouver in 2004!), there wasn't a peep. Kate had actually been once before the year before we married and weren't out as a couple to them, but Judi knew anyway. What dunces we were for thinking she couldn't figure that out, LOLOLOL. They all knew. Anyway, just before we left for NC, they took us to breakfast and we took the first "family photo" with Kate in it.
Compassion
On Sunday afternoon, we enjoyed several hours with Judi, as she looked 3x better than the first day we came by, but as it was getting close to the end of visitation, she asked for the notebook and she wrote:
"Pam and Kate .. leaving me."
She knew that Monday would be the last visit before we returned to NC, and she began to cry. We started to cry. She also wrote:
"All the children..."
Meaning all of "her children" who traveled to see her since she has been in ICU. It's not hard to imagine, after seven weeks in ICU after a heart attack, near-death experience and an open heart surgery, you are tired. Tired of poking, tired of pain, tired of not being able to move on your own. It's easy to give up, but she hasn't yet. When everyone but Kate had left the room, I told her about the story of what she and the family did for us in 1976, and what it meant to me, because I wanted her to hear how much she is loved and appreciated. We don't often get those chances to be explicit about these things before it's too late, even if they already know how you feel.
I don't want to be someone who fails to say what they feel because it may make someone in their darkest hour feel you're talking to them as if you won't see them again. The fact is, I've never had it accepted that way, not by my mother, nor by Judi. The tears flow freely, but the acknowledgment and opening of the heart is real. For me it has been the freedom to let the loved one know they can choose to fight or choose to pass on. And while my mother chose to pass on (a long story worthy of its own space), it's an equally valid choice to fight your way, if not to full healtl health, but to cling to what is possible to finish their job on this earth, whatever that may be.
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